A meme thing.
It has some good questions and I can’t think of anything else to write, so there you have it.
What is your current obsession?
Regional hotdogs and Quiche Lorraine. I want to throw a party and serve hotdogs as they are all over the country: Georgia-style with coleslaw; Cincinnati-style with cinnamon-and-chocolate-spiced chili; Chicago-style with celery salt, radioactive relish, and so on; New York-style with brown mustard, kraut, and tomato-based onion relish (never saw that in New York and I ate enough hotdogs to make me fat which I wasn’t then, but I guess I am now).
The Internets are working against me on the quiche deal; while most people writing the recipes agree that the original never had cheese in it, the bastards go ahead and put it in anyway. Even Thomas Keller does it. When Lorraine finds out she is going to go ballistic.
What is your weirdest obsession?
Having a clean kitchen sink. The floor can look like someone mud-wrestled on it (it often does, and no one ever has), there can be spider webs trailing from the light fixture above the dining table all the way to the corner of the room, but somehow if the sink is clean, I can stand it. (I have given up on never having any crumbs in the drawers, which was my previous obsession.)
What are you wearing today?
Currently, I am wearing a pair of hounds-tooth pajama bottoms in grey and black, a grey t-shirt with “Coney Island” printed on it, black socks, olive green knit boxers (which is not at all the same thing as boxer briefs so don’t go thinking it is), and a pair of reading glasses with a .75 magnification.
I do not yet know what I will be wearing once I change out of this ensemble.
What’s for dinner?
I haven’t the vaguest idea. In the refrigerator are a couple ears of corn, red peppers, and a head of leafy lettuce; maybe they will all jump in a pot and save me having to figure something out.
What would you eat for your last meal?
Who can answer that? I could eat leftover cold spaghetti for breakfast, get run over by a car with a blown-out tire, and while bleeding to death in the street, think “I should have had chocolate.” Although, I guess I know what you mean: if I could choose my last meal, and assuming I were not on a feeding tube and therefore able to actually eat it, what would I eat.
It would depend entirely on my mood; it could be a pot of tea and a pile of buttered toast with jam or it could be a multi-course affair with cocktails, three desserts, and acrobats serving it to me.
What’s the last thing you bought?
I went to Target and bought a bar of chocolate (Lindt 85%), Iams dry kitten food, Fancy Feast canned cat food, and this little bracket thingy that is not made for what I am trying to use it for but will totally work because I said it will.
What are you listening to right now?
The sound of a sanitation worker emptying the dumpster—spring mornings in California are magical.
What do you think of the person who tagged you?
No one tagged me. I found this on flurrious’ site. What do I think of her? Well, if I wrote her a fan letter it would read:
Dear Ms. Flurrious,
How are you? I am fine.
I read your blog. I think your blog is really good. I think you are a really good writer. Keep writing your really good blog because I like wasting time reading blogs, especially the really good ones.
Perez Hilton is weird, so is that one guy with the weird hair who talks like he’s dumb but has a lot a money, I forgot his name. I don’t read their blogs, I only read the ones by smart people, like you. I knew someone in school who won a perfect attendance award.
You should write something about cotton candy or earwax sometime, it would be really good if you did it.
Your friend, Cat Boy.
PS. I saw a picture of a gopher or woodchuck or something on your blog—have you ever met Bullwinkle?
PPS. The girl who won the award, picked her nose and ate it.
If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
I don’t know. I like New York, but San Francisco is closer. More important is that the architecture and furniture be to my liking. I don’t want any 16-foot peaked ceilings, over-stuffed sofas, or fake floral arrangements—you got that? I like 10-foot ceilings and bathrooms that look like Cary Grant or William Powell might have peed there.
If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
What can I do in a hour? Do I get to shower and dress first, do I have to go right this minute, is travel time included? I don’t know, something involving a really good piece of toast. What time is it in England? Maybe tea at the Savoy.
Which language do you want to learn?
I can’t decide between Spanish (or as my parents call it—Mexican), Arabic, Persian, and Canadian.
What is your favorite colour?
Red, but really green.
What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
I have a shirt I bought at Macy’s in New York that I am very fond of, but the cargo shorts that I wear to the farmers market are close second (those pockets can hold a lot of recycled produce bags). By the way, if you go to Macy’s in New York and show them your out of state ID, they will give you an 11% tourist discount; do not tell New Yorkers, it will piss them off.
What is your dream job?
I did a whole blog about this. I want to be an archaeologist but the kind who does not have to know anything and can take naps.
What’s your favourite magazine?
I enjoy being seen holding The New Yorker. But I only ever read Sunset and Cook’s Illustrated when they send me a free copy.
If you had £100 now, what would you spend it on?
Ear-buds. My left one keeps cutting in and out and it sounds like Bruce Springsteen is playing Marco Polo with me.
Describe your personal style.
I try to wear at least one thing that makes no sense.
What are you going to do after this?
I have to pee.
What are your favourite films?
I like stuff that other people do, but a lot of what they do, I don’t. There’s a list in the section called Let Me Entertain You.
What’s your favourite fruit?
Year-round I eat citrus because I can and because I like it. In season, stone fruits make me as happy as I ever expect to be.
What inspires you?
Everything or nothing, or both.
Do you collect anything?
Pictures of all sorts, colored pottery, and vintage Christmas ornaments.
Your favourite animal?
If you have to ask . . .
What are you currently reading?
Just really good blogs.
Go to your book shelf, take down the first book with a red spine you see, turn to page 26 and type out the first line:
“His straight eyes thereupon aslant inclined,
Awhile he scanned me; they did headlong fall
Down to the level with the other blind.”
It’s from Dante’s Divine Comedy and it just keeps going on and on like that. I will never read it.
By what criteria do you judge a person?
Criteria? Fancy word for someone who writes memes. The use of that word makes it sounds as if we plan in advance how we are going to judge people, like we write out a list or something. I think when we meet someone we judge them by what strikes us about that specific person.
Mostly, I judge people by what kind of gifts they buy me.
What skill would you like to acquire immediately?
Is exercising and liking it a skill?