Coming to a Bookstore Near You

I’m going to write a book.

No, really. 

This is not like the time I said I was going square dancing with Jude Law and Piper Laurie; this is for real.  (I’m not sure I ever said I was going square dancing with Jude Law and Piper Laurie, but now that I have said it, I think I should have.  Said it, not done it.)

Digression #1: My aunt and uncle square danced in the seventies.  I wish I could accurately describe what square dancing + the 1970s = in terms of the get-ups they wore.  If you can remember “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman,” just multiply that by my aunt who mercifully was born long-before the advent of the Bedazzler. 

I once got laughed at for asking her what a salamander had to do with dancing.  Apparently, everyone but me knew the term was alamander.  Sure, you’re dressed like Holly Hobby after she drained a jug of Carlo Rossi and I’m the idiot.  

Returning to the book, I want to write a book about American food.  I’m sure it’s been done, but it hasn’t been done by me so it’s bound to be different.  After the much-talked about food fest, it occurred to me there are millions of people who will never experience some of the best of what this country has to offer from a culinary standpoint.

Why not a book that will tell you how to make some of these foods in your own home.  The internet has opened us up to a world of food we have never tasted, but the information out here is sketchy at best.  People reporting to have the original recipe for the famous Potatoes Delmonico which their grandmother got from the head waiter . . . sweetie, nanna was lying her ass off because I’m pretty sure the original recipe did not call for Cheez Whiz. 

And many other famous, semi-famous, and long-forgotten recipe searches yield similar results.  The Food Network produces shows where they showcase regional American food, but they are mostly following people who refuse to give up their recipes and secrets. 

Digression #2: Why restaurants refuse to share their recipes is beyond me.  If people like eating in a given restaurant, having access to their recipes is not going to keep them from going there.  I think the popularity of fondue restaurants demonstrates this point well since their recipe consists of: melt cheese, add wine or beer, serve with stuff on sticks.  People love those joints.

As far as family recipes go, well,  honestly I don’t have a clue.  Are they afraid someone will sneak into their house and cook Thanksgiving dinner for them?  Are they kidding themselves that somewhere there isn’t already somebody making a dish that’s very similar anyway? 

The only valid reason I can find for not sharing a recipe would be the fear that someone would think it overly complicated, dumb it down, then complain about the results.  This has happened to me a few times, but I no longer take it personally.

I follow Christopher Kimball of America’s Test Kitchen on Twitter; he related the story of a reader complaining about a chicken recipe not turning out right despite their having only made one alteration—substituting shrimp for the chicken. 

Digression #3: Not sure why I’m keeping track of digressions.  I never have before.

I don’t remember what I was talking about.  Oh yes, the cookbook!  In a nutshell, I see the book as having five sections:

◊     Recipes that have fallen out of favor, in fact may be all but forgotten, but still deserve a place on the table, e.g. Green Goddess salad dressing.

◊     Recipes that are well-known within their region of the country, but rarely heard of elsewhere, e.g. Dutch Crunch bread and rolls (I’ll post a recipe for this soon).

◊     Recipes that are known (if not actually eaten) all over the country, e.g. Gumbo.

◊     Recipes that are both known and eaten nationwide, but have regional differences, e.g. Macaroni and Cheese.

◊     Recipes that my co-writer Martha and I think belong in the book even if they don’t fit in any of the above categories.  We’ll get away with it by calling that section “Our cherished family recipes” or something like that, and make everyone think we’re doing them a big favor by sharing.

There is a tremendous amount of research needed to make this work, and a lot of cajoling people to share secrets (I’m going to need a liquor budget), but I’m in no rush.  And, I’m not going to worry about inconsequential things like publication.  My goal at this point is to write it.